Orgulloso

This has been a difficult word for me.  To pronounce. To remember.  Everything.

But translated into English, it means “proud.”

I had a “proud” day just a little while ago.

It was Charlie’s last day of school.

He didn’t even go.  The day before, they had a Christmas party at his school and that night, he got the flu and was throwing up all night.

His school was having a program the last day and the parents were invited.  We were all excited to go, but alas, the flu kept us from going.

At the end of the day, Pablo and I dropped by to pick up all of Charlie’s projects and those sorts of things you take home before Christmas break.

It was then that Charlie’s teacher, Maestra Lupita, told us that Charlie was supposed to sing in the program they had that day.  They were really excited for him to sing because he had learned the song and was going to do a great job.

On they way home, I just couldn’t help but get a little misty-eyed.  I was thinking of how proud I would’ve been if Charlie could’ve participated in the program that day.  I was thinking of how proud I was of him for all his strength and courage he shows to me every day.

Some days, he’s my example!

It’s hard enough for a 4-year-old to go in front of church on Christmas Eve and participate in the school’s Christmas Eve program.  It’s even harder still when you’re not fluent in the language.  And Charlie would’ve kicked some butt that day and amazed everybody.

I am an orgulloso parent.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

 

Fighting and Moving

Ever since I’ve moved to Mexico, I have dreamt and prayed about moving out of the town God led us to.

But I’m not alone. I have made many friends in the city of Poza Rica who have shared or still share the same feelings as me. They don’t like it, either. Normally, it’s business that brought them into town. The same as us. It is, you see, an oil town. Built around oil. Not built for the beaches, or beautiful scenery, or for great climate or culture for that matter.

So, when it became necessary for us to move out-of-town because it was getting dangerous there, I should’ve been overjoyed! I imagined myself doing jumping jacks. I imagined a big smile on my face.

But none of that happened. What happened instead was a bad attitude and a lot of complaining.

“We pulled Charlie out of school in the middle of the year. Now we need to find him a new one.”

“I want to go live in my OWN house again. I feel too uncomfortable living with my in-laws.”

“Pablo went to college here and he is always finding SOMEONE he knows. I’m tired of having to stand around waiting for him to finish his conversation.”

But…

WHY was I complaining?????? I had just gotten out of the town I’d been wanting to get out of for the last year!!!!

Was it because I had finally made friends there? They had become a big part of my life and I was enjoying their time.

Was it because I loved the school Charlie was in and I didn’t want to have to find a new one? He had made friends so fast and this was one thing I had worried about in the beginning.

Was is because I was about to start giving English classes and I was excited for it? I do miss working.

I started wondering why I wasn’t having a better attitude about the move.

And then today, I learned a lesson from my kids.

I’m not exactly sure why, although I have some ideas, but my kids have been fighting horribly lately. Maybe I shouldn’t call it fighting because it’s not a hitting, kicking, screaming thing that they’re doing. It’s more of a possessive thing.

Let me explain. Right now the kids have 2 dolls they can play with. I think one of the dolls must have the mumps right now because neither of the kids want to play with it and they are constantly fighting over who gets to play with the other doll. It’s not like either of the dolls are more ugly than the other. In fact, it’s the more expensive one they DON’T want to play with. Who knows. Certainly not me.

But it’s not just the doll they are fighting over. It’s who gets this piece of gum or who sleeps on that side of the bed. Who gets to sit on Mama’s lap or who gets to go on a drive with Papi.

That’s what I learned today…isn’t that the way it works for all of us? We complain about our “situation” until it’s taken away or gets worse.

We don’t want to take the time to go see our old parents…until they’re gone and we wish we could stop by just one more time? We can’t stop complaining about our job…until we lose it and then we just wish we would have a paycheck. We don’t look forward to cleaning the house…until we don’t have a house anymore to clean. We wish for one night without kids running under our feet…until we have a house completely quiet every weekend.

I believe, from the bottom of my heart, that it’s hard in this day and age to not feel pressure to get everything done. And you may feel it more, especially as Christmas is coming around the bend. But when you strip everything away, I want to ask you one question…WHAT REALLY MATTERS? Your answer to this question tells you exactly what you should be doing right now.

I choose to play with my kids a lot…because I enjoy it. This means that my house may go unclean a little more than I’d like (because I DO like a clean house) or that I may be up late in the night cleaning.

So this is what I’m taking out of my day today…

That when you focus on what you’re missing out on, you actually miss out on the joys of today.

Christmas in Another World

This is year #2 that I’ve spent Christmas away from my side of the family.  

I have to state the obvious…there are lots of families that don’t spend the holidays with one or the other side of the family due to distance or some other reason.

I think of these people who would love to spend Christmas or New Year’s with their loved ones and don’t get to.  I imagine what they are doing.  I picture them hanging ornaments, wrapping presents, baking Christmas goods.

But never once do I picture them sitting outside bawling.

I know one person who did that…ME.

Sounds crazy, I know.  But that’s what I did.

I’ll make another confession right now.

I sat outside and bawled more than once.

As I sat outside on my last and final bawlfest, I was having a pretty nice pity party for myself and my kids.  All I really wanted was to be on a plane headed to Wisconsin.  All I really wanted was to spend Christmas Day with my mom’s side of the family, like I’ve always done.  All I wanted was to catch up with all the cousins and aunts and uncles who I didn’t get to see during the year.  All I wanted was to go to church on Christmas Eve night and sing “Silent Night” and “Joy to the World” and all the other classic religious hymns.  

It was during that final bawlfest that I came to a revelation.  

I kept thinking about all these other people who wouldn’t be able to see their loved ones on an important holiday and why they probably weren’t sitting outside having their own bawlfest.

And that is when I had my revelation…

By me sitting outside crying, I was disrespecting my FIRST family–my husband and two beautiful kids.  Because what should matter to me is that WE are spending Christmas together.  Whoever else is with us just adds to our enjoyment of being together.

So, I wiped my tears and went inside and gave my two beautiful, sleeping kids big kisses on their foreheads. (My husband was doing the dishes…didn’t want to disturb him!)

That doesn’t mean I won’t cry because I miss my side of the family.  But I’m going to remember that my most important family is the family that Pablo and I have created.

Here’s my last and final thought…I can feel embarrassed that I was a crying fool or I can be grateful that I’ve had a life experience that has led me to this revelation.

I choose to be grateful. 

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

My “little Manzano family”

Sooooo…..

This past Saturday, we decided to go out to eat at Burger King, the only fast-food American franchise in Poza Rica. This little piece of America in the midst of tacos and sopes affords us more than one advantage. First of all, $5 combo meal promotion where all 4 of us can eat for 100 pesos (roughly $10). Who doesn’t like a cheap meal, right? Second, AIR CONDITIONING!!! At the present time, A/C is not as necessary as, let’s say, in May or June. But, none-the-less, it’s still welcome. And last but not least, a nice, big play area for the kids to run around while the parents sit and watch them. On those looong weeks of parenting, it sure is nice to have that play area where you don’t have to be 100% dialed in.

As I was standing in line to order, in walked a short, older lady carrying hangers of white, hand-made, native shirts on her arm.

My friends, you may be wondering why this woman, in the midst of 80 degree heat, would want to carry around all these shirts on hangers.

I can tell you as much, she wasn’t doing it for fun.

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced a man or woman doing the exact same thing…selling shirts on the beach, at tourist places, in the downtown area, on the street, and even in restaurants.

You see, this is their “job.” They sell these shirts. And I believe it to be a good business. On more than one occasion, I’ve seen people buying these shirts, including my husband and mother-in-law.

But what got me thinking was that this time I saw this woman in Burger King…Burger King?

My first thought was, “This would never be allowed in a Burger King in America!” (I am still very much trained in the American thought process.) And so for a second, I felt a little out of sorts.

To tell you the truth, when I go to Burger King down here, I feel like I’m stepping off of Madison St. in some American city and that I’ve never left the States.  (Same goes for when I go to Walmart or Sam’s Club.)

For me, the shock came when this little woman broke my “little American dreamland.” She brought me back to reality. That I, in fact, was in a Burger King, but that I had not just stepped off of Madison Street.

Then I started thinking, isn’t she just like all the rest of us?????

Everyday, we go out into the world and “walk” around to make our living. To make the money to buy the food, to buy the school books, to buy the clothes, to pay for the doctor’s bills.

And then I saw what drove her. Drove her right into McDonald’s. To a place that she would probably never eat but knew the people who did eat there could afford her shirts…

It was her 2 children standing outside the door waiting for her in the 80 degree heat with hangers of shirts hanging off their arms, too.

What stronger of a drive could there be?

Maybe you don’t work, maybe you do. But what I can tell you is that if you have kids, every choice you make is with them in mind. And they can “drive” you to do things you never thought you could do.

So, when we arrived home that night, I reveled just a little more in my “little Manzano family,” because if it wasn’t for the “drive” of me wanting my kids to know their dad, I don’t know if I would’ve had the strength and courage to move down here…and then stay.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:26,27

 

P.S.  I have another similar story like this from the time that I was living in China.  My roommate from college had come to visit me and we decided to go to a less-traveled part of the Great Wall to experience it.  At the bottom of the gondola that took us to the top of the Great Wall, a young girl asked if we wanted to buy a book about the Great Wall from her.  We politely declined.  What amazed us was that by the time the gondol got to the top, this young girl had walked the same distance in the same time.  She proceeded to follow us and ask us to buy the book many times.  After many requests, we finally asked my Chinese friend why the girl wouldn’t leave us alone.  My friend explained to us that us buying that book was her only chance of earning money for that day since she only had one book to sell and there were so many people to sell books and so few tourists that each of the girls there only had one chance.  I know for a fact that the girl walked home empty handed and my roommate walked home with a book that I know she uses in her classroom today.

Letting go…

We’ve been on the go every weekend since Charlie started school.

Last April, we decided we were going to let Charlie go to soccer practice. The first practices were rough to watch…he played swords (using his hands, of course) with another boy the whole time instead of practicing, he was afraid to kick the ball (literally, he would sit down in the field and watch the kids run by him) and when he did attempt to play, he ran around like a chicken with his head cut off.

I was starting to think that we should just stop showing up one day.

I started making it a point to ask him, “Do you want to go to soccer practice today?” In the beginning he always said yes, so we’d hop in the car and go despite the fact that he didn’t practice. Then around June he stopped saying yes when I asked him if he wanted to go and started saying, “No.” So…we stopped going.

As luck would have it, we ran into one of the soccer moms over the summer in the nearby town of Papantla. She informed us that soccer was over until the beginning of the school year. So this year when school started up, Charlie decided to go back to play soccer.

What a difference a summer made!!!!!!

He kicked. He ran. HE DIDN’T PLAY SWORDS!

And the blessings have flown forth. Charlie is learning discipline, technique, and success. He also has made some friends…AND SO HAVE I!  God has blessed my life with some wonderful women.

One of the blessings that has flown in has been all the birthday parties we’ve been invited to.

Last weekend, we enjoyed one of these “blessings.” (I’ll have to tell you about a Mexican birthday party in another post for you to realize what I mean when I say blessing.)

You know what became the hardest part of the party for me as I watched my two, beautiful children running around laughing and having a blast?

I let them go and let them grow up.

I have been pretty overprotective of my kids since we’ve moved down here. One of the reasons being that they are still learning the language. Even when Charlie started school he told me that he didn’t want to go “because he didn’t speak good Spanish.” (I, of course, told him that the teachers would make sure he would understand and they would call me if he couldn’t understand.) After that mini conversation, he went skipping into school. He’s never looked back since.

As I sit here writing this, I can’t help but get tears in my eyes for the example he sets for me every day down here…he makes me proud. He goes to school and comes home every day singing a new song in Spanish, he comes home talking about all his friends at school and he’s fearless (wish I could be, sometimes I feel like I’m wearing a suit of armor).

So you might be wondering why it was so hard for me to let them go at a birthday party?

It was because Charlie was sitting on a chair and when he got up for a second another, bigger boy ran to it and sat down in it. When Charlie went back to sit down, he knew his chair was gone.  In that second, I wanted to jump up and let the bigger boy know that just because Charlie was littler and didn’t speak fluent Spanish didn’t mean he could just take his chair like a BULLY! (We know the bigger boy.)

But I Didn’t. Get. Up. I clawed my chair. I moved from side to side. I raised my head high and then went down again. I. Made. Myself. Stay. There. But I Watched. Like. A. Hawk.

And you know what?

Charlie did it again…made me a proud mama.

He stood up for himself. He tried to get that bigger boy right out of his chair!!!! And when that didn’t work, he sat on the bigger boy’s lap!!! (Those are big smiley faces.)

That’s when Pablo stepped in and offered another chair so that they’d both have one.

But after I was finished steaming, I was happy that I didn’t get up.

You know why?

Because if I had gotten up, I would have undermined Charlie’s self-esteem. If I had gotten up, I would’ve been telling him that I didn’t trust that he could take care of himself. That he couldn’t stand up for himself.

And you know what?

Deep down inside, I knew Charlie could handle it on his own. The protective mama in me wanted to get up and fix her son’s problem, but the knowing mama knew that Charlie was going to be OK if I didn’t butt in.

That night not only did we have a great time at the party. Charlie’s self-worth and self-esteem grew just a little more and I was again reminded how great of a man he will be some day.

So what am I going to do the next time I feel the need to rush in and protect my son? Like I’ve been doing so much since we’ve been down here? I’m going to claw the chair, I’m going to move side-to-side. I’m going to raise and lower my head.

I’m going to wait…

and not get involved unless is becomes necessary.

Charlie has shown me too many times that he is a very capable little boy who does anything he sets his mind to. And he can take care of himself. (In some ways, at least.)

That one day I won’t forget…

That one day I won’t forget…

Everyone can say that.  Everyone has those times.

I felt betrayed.  I felt hollow.  I felt let down.

I betrayed myself.  I “hollowed” myself. I let myself down.

It was because I was sending Charlie off to his first day of school.

You are probably wondering why a first day of school could make me so miserable, make me feel so down-in-the-dumps?

But it’s possible you would have felt the same way, too, if what you had imagined your son’s first day of school to be like was the exact opposite.

You see…I sent my son off to school for his first day of school…in Mexico!  What an autrocity!  Out cry! Out cry! OUT CRY!

I drove away feeling like I had failed one more time in my son’s too short life.  I should be driving away from an American school with American teachers and an American schooling system.  All I could think to myself was, “I am soooo jealous of all the moms posting pics on Facebook of their kids starting school in an American Christian school.  Why am I the unlucky one?”

Woe to me.  Right?

But then I took the time.  Time to think about  all the young kids(meaning ages 8, 9, 10) who are working in the grocery stores down here bagging groceries after school and then have to go home and finish their homework.  Time to think about all the kids who live in the rural areas (and even in the city) whose parents can’t afford to send them to school.  When you hear about these things, they really are true.  And what’s more, it’s even more sad when you see them in real life.

It’s true, I was ripped of having the experience I’ve always wanted to have.  But luckily, Charlie is never going to know the difference.

That morning, I chose to fall into despair at my shortcomings.

But after I picked Charlie up from school, and saw the big smile on his face, I made a choice to see the blessings instead.  The blessing that God lead us to the right school for us.  The blessing that Charlie had as good of a first day in that school than he would’ve in any other school…in the world!  The blessing that my children get to grow up knowing the beautiful world God has made, outside of the boundaries of America.  The blessing that they are American citizens and can choose to live in whatever country they choose.  The blessing that my son can go to school because God has blessed us with an income to pay for school.

Will I never feel despair again?  I’m sure I will.  Will I never doubt myself?  I know I will.  I’m human after all.

But by that night, my cup was overflowing.  In fact, I probably filled 2 cups!

Although I loved seeing all the pics on FB, I don’t feel bad or guilty anymore that Charlie goes to the school he goes to.  And I’m glad I’ve come to peace of mind with it because now I’ve given myself permission to see all the good in the school.  Charlie has such a bright future ahead of him…  

Jeremiah 29:11–” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

The “people” in the “pit”

So….what’s the weirdest story you’ve ever told your kids to get them to do something you needed them to do?  Well, tonight I think I hit my all-time creative streak.

I don’t know if it’s the change in weather or the change in routine (Charlie started school), but my kids have been beyond controllable these last couple of days.  I feel like I’ve taken it with a grain of salt so far, but I will admit that my patience is starting to wear thin…throwing all the movies on the floor, dumping out all the cookie cutters, hitting and kicking the dogs, pulling all the clothes off their shelves.  I’m not sure if they realize that I’m not in the running to set the record for most “things” picked up in a week.  I’ll let someone else get their name the in the World Book of Records for that!

But tonight was ending the same way the last few days have been going.  Charlie and Eva had ants in the pants and they weren’t interested in eating.  Eva decided she wanted to “eat” by laying across the chair and Charlie was so tired that he was just interested in zoning out.  Pablo had prepared a nice dinner of rice and stir-fried beef and veg.  As Pablo was doing the “airplane” to Charlie and I was was doing the “helicopter” with Eva in an effort to get them to eat something,  I blurted out, “Make sure those people(meaning the rice) make it down to the “pit.” (our slang for stomach, thanks gpa and gma)  Well as the “people” continued their adventure down to the “pits,” we had to make sure they had enough milk to drink and enough meat to eat…as well as a few snowballs (more rice).  ;)  The kids began to eat with gusto!  And when Charlie asked why the people needed snowballs and I didn’t have the creative imagination to come up with something, I asked HIM why and he answered his own question!

On a day like today, where I am sitting at the kitchen table wondering where I’m going to get the energy to wash the dishes or make Charlie’s lunch or fold the 3 loads of laundry waiting for me, I am glad I can end the day seeing how much my kids have blessed my life.

Hasta luego!

And it began…

Welcome to the wonderful world of the Manzanos!

As I’ve been growing and learning, enjoying and observing, sifting…and struggling through this past year, many times I’ve wondered how many other moms and dads, wives and husbands, grandmas and grandpas, have moved to a different country with their families in tow or not in tow to continue on their journey that is called “LIFE.”  I’ve wondered about their highs and lows, their accomplishments and struggles, their thoughts and actions.  I’ve wondered if they’ve been the same as mine.

I’ve wanted to keep my family and friends updated with our life down here.  I’ve wanted to create a place where people can encourage each other, share advice with each other, and know that just maybe there are other people out in the world who are going through the same things as they are.  I’ve wanted to provide information for those families who are in a similar boat as I am. I’ve wanted to share my struggles and achievements so that when someone is having a hard day, they know they’re not the only ones that have gone through it.  I’ve wanted to share my God who has been the one and true staple in my life this past year, who’s held me up for most of the year and has never let me down. So this blog is for you–my family and friends for when you feel like getting caught up on our life, for you–the mom or dad who is sending their kids to school for the first time in a different country, for you–the mom who is trying to make a cheesecake in a different country and just doesn’t know where to find whipping cream, for you–the husband or wife who is trying to decide whether to continue to live in America or move out of the country, for me–so that on the days that I’m struggling I can look back and see how much I’ve really accomplished and grown.

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